I'm crazy. Not like a fox crazy, but whacked out, talk to myself, answer myself crazy. And I love it. This insanity prohibits me from calling the little men in white coats to cart me off. Not a good thing for someone whose blood pressure reaches stroke proportions when even smelling a white coat. At 55 I continue to lay awake at nights and dream like a little boy of what might have been. Monsters, lost loves, reality; reality in a sort of fanciful way. I mean reality that isn't reality. Hitting home runs, making millions, persuading harden criminals to turn or burn for eternity. All these things lay stored up in a memory vault waiting for the spirit to possess them and raise them from the dead. Like Hebrew dry bones they want to walk.
I think of the church with electric candles sitting on the communion table. Electric candles. Flip a switch and wallah. Those candles come to half life. I say half because they have no dancing flame. They point me toward an artificial spirit. A fake Jesus so to speak. Yet, to the little old ladies of the United Woman's Society those electric candles grant security and peace. They offer a pseudo solid rock in a sinking sand world. If a man dare touch those candles they'll turn him into a reluctant eunuch for the Kingdom of God.
Now a crazy unlike a fox fool such as I could run with that one. It might make plenty of narrative hay. May even get Christians seeing their asinine selves between the lines. Sadly, I learned long ago how nuts we all are. We bluff, cajole, and mindlessly shout our fool selves into a fantasy land. A place where perceptions become reality, and no one dare tell us the emperor has no clothes, for fear of annihilating our fragile self esteem. Thank God, however, for such as we belongs the Kingdom of the fiction writer god's heaven. Fiction requires good sportsmanship from sportsmen who make sport of our insanity. I intend to do just that, well sometimes, on a new front. Like starting over, or being the real me-I just gotta be me; just let me be me!
I plan to let readers of this blog know when the new format opens up. Oh yes, I shall gladly link all you bluffing, cajoling, fit throwers like me to the spot. Stay tuned.